I'm sure we all have them... those random encounters with members of the opposite (or same) sex that leave you flattered, highly amused, baffled, or just completely grossed/creeped out. Whether we're single or 'taken', married or not, somehow, at least for females, the guys seem to hit first and ask questions later.
Two such incidents in a three-day period have spurred this entry. My "approached by a random male" rate averages two a year, so this statistically significant occurrence inspired today's post.
The first incident was Tuesday night; while driving home from visiting a friend, I noticed I was being tailed by a police car. The only thing more nerve-wracking than being pulled over by a police car is being tailed by a police car, so I switched lanes over and slowed down, hoping he/she would pass. The car remained obstinately behind me in my blind spot, to the point where I was driving 25 mph in a 35 zone and I was starting to get irritated/nervous. My brake lights both worked, to my knowledge, and my registration didn't expire for another two weeks... what was up?
At the stoplight the car pulled up on my left and I looked over, checking for any signs from the cop of any driving infractions. By the time I identified his head in the darkness of it being 11:45 pm, I realized that he was grinning and waving madly. He then rolled down his passenger side window. Ummmm.... well it didn't appear that I was breaking any laws, but at the same time I really didn't want to make small talk with a policeman. On the other hand, was it a civic offense NOT to speak to a law enforcement officer when they were clearly demanding your attention? For fear of being charged for some law I didn't know existed, I rolled down my window as well. He then leaned over and shouted "I like your license plate!!" Umm... immensely relieved that I hadn't broken any laws, I said thanks, to which he replied, "is it for your husband??"
Aaaaaawgh. My emotions ran from nervous/irritated/concerned/relieved/happy/disgusted in a matter of about three seconds. Seriously? You just pulled the "husband" line? You, a keeper of the peace, an enforcer of justice?? As my roommate exclaimed as we were driving away, "you should be ashamed of yourself!!" This one ranks as highly amusing though. Mostly because there were two of us in the car.
The second encounter was merely creepy; the guy approached me while waiting for the Metro yesterday after work and used such lines as "you look just like a girl I used to go with when I was stationed in Bangkok. You Thai? Definitely Southern Asia." Yeah no. Not Southern Asia. He was probably about 50 years old and was commenting on how I looked like I could be in high school. Creeeeeeeeepy. But he also pulled the "your husband must be a lucky man". I mean really. Can you be more subtle about it? Does that line ever actually work? Are you truly looking for companionship based on approaching a creature you've never seen before and making the assumption that I am a normal, socially adept female with no serious mental, physical, or emotional issues? I guess my definition of "relationship" falls into a much different range than some males out there.
So folks, I know you have them. What's your funniest/creepiest/best story of a random encounter of the weird kind?
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Actually--just yesterday, when I checked my LinkUp profile, I had a new message in my inbox. Who was it from? A long lost friend? No--some guy screen-named "effit" who sent me a love poem. A love poem! Ew.
Well, first of all, two of my three profile pictures have me and my HUSBAND smiling together. And, if a person doesn't notice that, then they might see in the profile heading TWICE that I am MARRIED.
Ew.......gross!!!!!!!
Scariest, I was driving home from work one night in high school, and I had these two guys following me home, they wouldn't leave me alone, I had to pull over to the side of the road away from my house (I didn't want them knowing where I lived) and give them my phone number before they would leave me alone. I was totally freaked out. Midnight all alone with two guys. Super good odds. Hmm... the sweetest pick up ever was when I worked at the university to put Aaron through college and I used to serve this kid food every day, he always would come to my line because I remembered him, anyway, after months of serving him food, he came and asked me out, poor little freshman, and I had to tell him I was married. I know you didn't ask for cute come ons, but I just feel bad for the men, they have it rough trying to find a nice girl.
Leave it to the two married ladies to make the first comments. :) And the cute come ons are perfectly acceptable too. Bless them. Just last weekend I was in Palmyra with my roommates and we were approached not once, but twice, by 19 year old boys. One worked at Wegmans trying to sell us wahoo fish (yes, wahoo fish. I made him spell it and then he started singing... huge "come on" indication number on) and the other was a little Lamanite warrior in Pageant who tried to flex his triceps while talking to us. Haha. Pinch their cheeks.
The funniest (could be creepiest but I choose to remember it as funny) encounter I ever had was when a friend and I were in San Diego. Some boys from Israel were standing behind us in line at In-n-Out. One asked me, and I quote, "Where have you been all my life?" I was pretty amused because, wow, people actually USE that one?! I didn't answer, thinking maybe if I ignored him, he'd go away. But the fool actually wanted a response. "Seriously, where have you been all my life??" And he wouldn't leave me alone until I actually told him where, specifically, I had been. The details after that were fuzzy. I only remember thinking multiple times before we finally escaped that this guy truly believed he was God's gift to women (he gave me his email address and it had the phrase "sex machine" in it), and I think at one point he called me Barbie. Um, thanks for the confidence boost??
I think this is a cross between funny and creepola, but I'll let you decide.
I went on a trip to Italy w/ two close girlfriends and we were taking a train from Venice to Florence. While sitting in our train car, speaking English, a guy walking by stopped, came back and said, "Are you Americans? I love Americans!" He proceeded to show off by telling us he was a police officer in Venice, but was going home to Naples. Would any of us like to join him? Looking at each other in disbelief we said no. So he asked if one of us would like to join him in his train car. Again we said no, but instead we offered for him to join us in ours, if he liked. To this he responded, "Three women is too many even for me!" UNBELIEVABLE. And in parting, he came in to give us (we thought) the typical European kiss on both cheeks...but no. He attempted to plant one on each of us - each time thwarted by a turn of a head. I mean, how many times and in how many ways do you have to say no before a guy gets the hint?! Still, it's one of my favorite memories from that trip. :)
Working at Sports Authority gave ample opportunity to experience the strangest of come-ons. I did choose to work in the most ghetto of locations, so I should have known what I was getting into. On multiple occaisions when I would venture my way to the basketball aisle (you know me--this is my favorite aisle), I'm pretty sure there would be a line of creepy guys literally asking if I wanted to play ball with them...pretty sure they weren't speaking basketball. White girl w/ blk girl butt and bball skills... I am apparently good baby-mama material. UGH! At least I felt like I wasn't some hideous creature as the Mo boys seemingly think!
I want to hear the story about what that black guy said to you in Old Town in that random park when you first moved to DC.
I also think it's funny when you call yourself a creature.
"Psh. Jack can't talk Thai."
"Oh yes Nina, Jack talk Thai. Jack talk Thai very well."
So by "I'm sure we all have them," apparently you meant to say "I'm sure all we girls have them. I have no recollection of any creepy/amusing come-ons by random girls in random places at all.
I would say I feel like I'm missing out, but really..... not at all.
And what's with the title of the post?
Perhaps I could use this as an example of, Girls are more socially sensitive than guys... but nah. They aren't. You're probably just lucky.
And the title comes from a particularly delicious moment from "13 Going on 30". one of my favs.
Quote: "I hope this does not creep or offend anyone."
need a female companion 4 anything
http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/okc/746768719.html
EEEEEEEEEEEK!
The reason I picked 13 Going on 30 is because every time I get one of these guys and their lines, the 13 year old in me is like "EW GROSS!!" and just wants to run away.
I love the blog title! I can just picture in my mind cute Jen Garner blushing and laughing when her sicko boyfriend does his strip tease. I'm pretty sure I'd be laughing, too, and throwing up in my mouth. And I'm with Jen. My usual response to being hit on is, "Um, thanks! Bye!" in a high- pitched, 13-year-old voice.
I think my most memorable being-hit-on experience happened when I was waiting for the subway in NYC. I was standing there reading a book when I hear someone say to me in a slighty flirty/sexy voice, "Did you see that huge rat just walk across the subway tracks? It was huge! And greasy! Oh wait! There's another one! Look! Right there. Can you see it?" As he's trying to point out the rat, his pointing arm got closer and closer to mine. He was totally moving in for the kill. He then ever-so-slyly changed the subject to asking my name and what I was up to. And he was WAY to close to me at that point He was rebuffed:) But he definitely gets props for his creative means of getting my attention. I mean, it was such a dumb-guy thing to do, which was kind of sweet.
I was at the symphony on a double date, and during intermission, the two guys with me and my girlfriend went to the bathroom for a few minutes. During the only few minutes of the whole night that we were guyless, this creepy old guy came up to me and asked me, "Are you Korean?" "No." "Oh, are you Japanese?" "No." "Well, then, are you Thai? Vietnamese?" "No, I'm actually Chinese." And mentally I'm thinking, I'm Chinese you idiot! The most common Asian race in the world!! And then he said, "Well, it's very nice to meet such a lovely woman" and extended his hand, which I tentatively shook. And here's the creepy part: he wouldn't let go of my hand, even as I was tugging it away, to which I finally had to yank it out of his grasp and turn away rather disgusted. When the guys got back, my friend started yelling at them "Where were you during the ONE time that we got accosted by guys and need burly strapling men to protect us?"
I actually get that whole Asian conversation a lot. Apparently people in SLC don't understand the statistical advantage of asking the right race the first time. That was for you, Jen. :)
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