- you find yourself shoving little old ladies out of the way to get on the metro first
- you look for every excuse NOT to be on the Mall on July 4th.
- you start frantically buying bottled water and kerosene like everyone else when they announce the possibility of a snowstorm
- you see two drops of rain in the morning and think "oh great, there goes my commute"
- you studiously ignore all attempts of strangers to be friendly and snarl at them in return
- you find yourself arranging your errands and trips to fall outside of the 2-7 pm "rush hour"
- you calculate 40 minutes of driving time for a five mile excursion into the city
- you avoid driving behind taxis at all costs, because here they drive like turtles
- you think nothing of buying your groceries at twelve different stores (or maybe that's just how life is, and my growing up with one-stop shopping at Wegmans is the anomaly)
- all the Asians you see are not Chinese
- you get annoyed when places of interest in other cities require monetary admission
- you experience extreme physical withdrawal when you travel without your iPod earphones plugged firmly into your head
- you live in one state, commute to work in another, and yet claim residency in a third ("Where are you from? DC" "Where do you live? Virginia." "Where do you work? Maryland.")
- your refrigerator breaks for a month and you don't even scratch the surface of available ethnic dining establishments in your area
- you don't bat an eye at "single family housing starting at $2.2 million" and think it's a reasonable price for a house
- you're shocked when customer service is cordial to you, or speaks English natively
- you've gotten a parking ticket for every banal possible reason out there
- you watch a sitcom that supposedly depicts a humorous attempt at "government red tape" but you don't find it remotely amusing since that is your every day routine
- you finally understand the term "red tape"
Okay folks. Those are just my own. I KNOW you've got oodles and oodles to share. Fess up!
11 comments:
Jen, you nailed it. I was nodding in agreement with every single one. In fact, last week I hesitated for just a brief moment to check out the Vatican Museum when I found out I actually had to PAY to enter.
I have another to add: You know at least three different routes to your final destination, just in case there's traffic, construction, a motorcade, or what-have-you.
When Spider Solitaire is more exciting than seeing the monuments.
Wow Warren, you've reached a new level of cynicism I had never even considered achieving. :) And by the way, I just saw Spamalot on Broadway two nights ago and so your unladen African swallow article was very appropriate. I had forgotten how funny Monty Python is.
Abby, the idea WOULD be to have an alternative route, but the problem arises when you don't. Then you're screwed... guess I'm not a true native just yet.
You know you're a D.C. native when you arrive late to a business meeting, explain you were stuck in traffic, and everyone nods their heads in sympathetic understanding.
You also know you are a D.C. native when you can successfully navigate through the GW Parkway/Memorial Bridge intersection AND Seven Corners without having a panic attack or causing an accident.
You know you're a DC native when half your friends can't talk about their jobs because they work for some top secret, covert branch of the U.S. government. DoD? State Department? Yeah, whatever . . .
Jenn, I just BARELY crested the GW parkway/non panic attack this past summer. On my way!
Becks -- the phrase "I work for the government" here elicits a knowing nod and usually not much else to talk about... we DC-ers are pretty boring.
Speaking of top secret jobs, you know you're a DC (area) native when you speak in acronymns. DoD, DoJ, MPCD in the SSSD... BEA, OPM...
Also, I haven't quite reached this apex yet, but you know you're a DC native if you've seen the Darth Vader gargoyle on the National Cathedral. I'm embarking on a quest to find the gargoyle. Who's in??
On the theme of jobs, you know you're a DC native when everyone you meet has a gloriously elaborate job title, even the interns.
Like one of my internships where I was "program coordinator."
You know you're a DC native when saying "I work on the hill" tells about what you do, not where you do it, and going to "the mall" does not imply shopping.
You know you're a DC native when When you describe the distance of a place by "minutes" rather than "miles".
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