Julia Goolia?

My sophomore year of college, I had a home teacher named *Mike Hennefer. (for those not privy to Mormon lifestyles, a 'home teacher' is a lucky guy assigned to visit you [or your entire apartment] with another lucky guy on a monthly basis to make sure you were alive and see if you needed any heavy boxes moved. Among other things.)

Anyway, Mike was a specimen of true male supremacy, being a defensive linebacker on the BYU football team (and no, I have no idea what a defensive linebacker does, only that this particular one was rather impressive) and being a laconic sort, mostly sat on the couch and looked massive while his companion burbled away. One day after he left, my five roommates gathered around and informed me that I needed to marry him. Having never actually spoken to him directly (his muscles were quite intimidating), I queried why, to be told that "your name would be Jennifer Hennefer! HOW cool is that?!"

I personally could never possibly top Jennifer Hennefer, but I have heard some amazingly unfortunate last names in the past few days that I felt had to be shared with the general public. If ever you rue your given name, just think of poor Mr. Harry Butts of State College, PA, or the even more lamentable Brother Shitler that has yet to find a wife.

As my tenth grade English teacher once wrote of his surname Wiener, after having gone through all possible alternative pronunciations and variations, he concluded with "I'm just happy that I'm not my brother Richard."

So, gentle readers... can you top these names??

*oh look. Yes, he truly does exist. And now when you Google his name you'll find my post under this link... ahh, Internet immortality...