This past weekend, my roommate and I rented The Family Stone, presuming that with an all-star cast and semi-humorous movie previews that it would be a light, comical, pleasing 1.5 hour fare. Not so. The film meticulously trudged through every possible Proxy Embarassment Movie Moment known to mankind, and more than once we were reduced to shouting "STOP TALKING!" at the TV screen. The one and sole reason we did not stop midway was because we, as women of faith, simply had to believe that the movie would eventually redeem itself.Sadly, it did not, and the end credits rolling across the screen illuminated two writhing, groaning figures curled in fetal positions on the couch. Desperately, I frantically scrolled through the Friday Night Movie Selection on DirecTV, searching for relief. Our respective eyes lit upon the last fifteen minutes of "The Karate Kid," and much to my delight, "You're the Best Around" and its subsequent competitive montage had just begun.
This was true cinematic culmination at its finest. The triumph of advancement in the face of all odds! The agony of Bobby's well-aimed knee kick that cost him his disqualification!! ("I'm sorry Danny, I didn't mean it, I didn't mean it!") The spirituality of Mr. Miyagi consenting to do his 'leg thing' and heal Daniel-san enough to fight his final round and stand up to the formidable, fearsome, ferocious Johnny of the Cobra Kais!!! Oh, my friends, it all leads up to but one crucial moment in all of movie history.
If you have the 5 minutes and 19 seconds, please, partake of its glory in its entirety. If not, you can scroll forward to approximately 3 minutes and 50 seconds (my favorite part being Bobby's short-lived penitence and his jeer of "get him a body bag! Yeah!!!") for the the apex of defeats, yea, even the very conquest of Daniel Larusso's mortal enemies (witness Johnny's blubbering "You're all right by us, Larusso!" as he passes him the ginormous trophy.) I get shivers every time I watch it... (the kick, not the blubbering)
...and really, who of us has never raised those arms gracefully to the sky, poised on one foot, ready to deliver the fatal final kick? Oh I have, my friends, I have...
9 comments:
Raising my hands and lifting one leg is actually quite a common occurence for me. I find that it is especially common on the beach or coast as you would call it in Oregon. The best is when you stand on an over-turned bucket for the full effect of catching air as you land on one foot after performing your graceful kick. And don't forget the yelling of "Hi-yah!" Keep in mind however, that I do have ninja powers in my blood, so it is only natural for me to perform the karate kid kick!
I revoke rental privileges to whoever chose the movie. (uh-mm, I am so sorry about that selection.) I gringe everytime I think about the movie. Owww! The proxy embarassment. It was like the Bermuda Triangle - sucking you in with the only thought it really can't be soo bad -- how in the world would it have sold? Oh, but it was. Hollywood has a sadistic sense of humor.
Blessed Karate Kid!
STRIKE FIRST, STRIKE HARD, NO MERCY, SIR!
Ah, The Embarrassed Feeling, like when LaRusso and Miyagi walk into Sensei's dojo.
Or when LaRusso, inexplicably dressed in both white pants and shirt -- but sporting a befuddling red jacket -- gets decked by a waiter, naturally carrying spaghetti, in the country club kitchen as Johnny tries to get in a quick slut with Ali. (That's with an "I," in case anybody was wondering.)
But one of my favorite parts during the All-Valley Karate Tournament was when Daniel was alone, taping himself or whatever -- I guess Miyagi wasn't around for one of those very special massages that's accompanied by Miyagi's weird breathing and the sound of timpanies -- and a handful of the Cobra Kai dudes waltz in on him, led by the crazy, bleached hair dude Dutch.
"What's the matter, Danny? Mommy's not here to dress you?"
Then, of course, the token posturing ensues with Dutch yelling, "Make a move!" while Daniel procedes to pee his pants and contort his fingers into an awkward position as he takes his defense stance.
Anyway, tournament officials magically appear to halt the skirmish, but Dutch gets in the last line -- adding some index-finger pointing for additional emphasis -- as Daniel wipes his tears:
"Dead meat, man. Dead meat."
This is followed by girlish laughter from the dude Tommy, who peaks as an actor five minutes later with his epic squeal, "Get him a body bag. Yeah!"
Anyway, quite the humorous moment.
Perhaps the funniest part about the "You're the Best Around!" montage is how the fight between LaRusso and Dutch is conveniently shown for, like, barely two seconds.
In the words of Bill Simmons of ESPN.com on LaRusso's inexplicable victory over Dutch:
"And what about when Daniel beats Dutch (the white-haired kid, played by Chad McQueen, who eventually made a name for himself on Skinemax)? In real life, would Daniel-San have ever beaten Dutch? In a million years? Of course not. Even in the movie, they skimp over that fight because they know it's totally improbable."
Kim: Yes, Asians have ninja in their blood. "I know you hide it in there, but I know underneath you just a lil' can of whoopass and you could kick my [trash]!" Yup.
Roommate: I still love you. Nothing to forgive. The end.
Dude: I was blown away by Danny's hand positions... I mean, do you think they *actually* made him do that, or that he came up with it himself because he is so inexperienced, and the directors thought "yeah, that looks good and retarded, let's go with that!!"
The whole movie is improbable, which makes it so memorable. Long live the 80's!!
Of all the Proxy Embarassment moments though, we need to highlight a few that have been left out:
like when the LaRusso-mobile breaks down in front of Ali's house and Mrs. LaRusso can't shut that Jersey trap of her's while she's getting the car going.
or how Ali pretends to laugh when the Danimal is trying to apologize for being weird and then they engage in the most awkward kiss in the history of screen acting(LaRusso really gets his neck and chin involved...how he does it...we'll never know)
or in the beginning when Daniel gets his butt handed to him and everyone mocks and scorns.
Needless to say...we could go on for hours. Or at least I could...I watched the entire thing last week. That's right...I own it on DVD.
ok, those last 5 minutes are the best in the movie. i can't tell you how many times we'd rewind that (yes, on VHS, when DVDs didn't exist) part and watch it over and over again, even in slow motion a couple times. and then we'd act it out. even that clip gives me the chills. i saw "the family stone" back in december. i didn't think it was as bad as you're making it out to be. i'll agree that i wanted the SJP chick to shut up and leave, but come on, luke wilson! brother to oh-so-in-his-own-right-sexy owen.
After watching "Legally Blonde," I realized that I never fully appreciated what a great actor Luke Wilson is.
The UPC -- three words: You Movie Ho. Do you own all three Karate Kids, as well as The Next Karate Kid too? That's awesome. Props, dude, props.
Kersilla-- who got to play Johnny and get his head bashed in every time? And yes, the movie sucked. IT SUCKED!! Even Sexy Luke Wilson couldn't rescue it; he had terrible lines! ("I had a dream about you last night... you were shoveling snow, and I was the snow, and you shoveled me up...")
Dude-- Weren't you more disturbed at Jack Bristow's attempt to slut with Elle? Like, ew?!
Oh, totally.
In fact, I probably got through, like, maybe three episodes of Alias (seasons 1-4) without commenting on Bristow's failed pass.
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