So yeah. When homework calls me to repentance, I often find myself doing the most amazing things to get out of it. Like emptying the dishwasher. And blogging.This post was started about two months ago and has been sitting, idle, stale, stagnant in my draft box. But desperate times (ie, two drafts of large statistically-minded papers due tomorrow) call for desperate measures and suddenly I am struck with an insatiable urge to pontificate.
This blog topic was originally started with a discussion on "vices". Seeing as the two of us are LDS and the restrictions on 'naughty' things loom large, our rants were really quite tame: "I'd drink coffee!" "I'd wear tank tops!" Which then degenerated to, "I'd have sex!" "I'd wear skanky clothes around the house... which would probably lead to sex..." "but if you're married that's totally okay..." which spiraled into a quite boring conversation, because we realized that a large bulk of our so-called restraints are really fine after legal wedded bliss, the social ramifications of such connubial implications I will not delve into at this time.
I concluded that thread of thought with the comment, "Well really, are we saying, what would we do if we weren't Mormon, or what would we do if we had no morals at all? Because if I had no morals then I'd be a mafia drug lord. And I'd be a really good one, too." Our discussion jump-sparked into the wondrous world of villains and it was determined that I would have to blog about this at some future point. That future point was probably some time late last year; meanwhile, said friend has gotten married so go ahead friend, you wear those skanky tank tops around the house.
Back at the ranch, my declaration of moral-less mafia lord was verified last week when our landlord, legally late in returning our deposit (grrrrr), was avoiding our calls once again, and my roommates were musing on how best to convince him to pay us back. My immediate and nonchalant response of "kidnap his little boy" was met with blinks, awkward silence, and a token "um, how about something not completely illegal? And wrong???" "What? It would get us our money back."
Anyway, I completely rest my case that I would make the best mafia lord ever. So my friends, I now pose the question to you: if you could be any sort of villain out there (movie character, archetype, cartoon, you name it), what/who would you be and why do you claim that persona fits you? If I could somehow meld "mafia lord" with "Maleficent" from Sleeping Beauty (my favorite villain of allllll time), it would be the perfect me. Evil, sinister, purple dragon... and totally hot. What more could I ask for??!
7 comments:
Admittedly, Maleficent IS a fantastic villainess. I've always rather liked her too. Ursula is another baddie that, in spite of being a voluminous octopus-like woman, I could see myself being. Devious, evil, with a touch of sexiness. But I'd probably end up being someone truly diabolical and creeeeepy like Mr. Oogie Boogie. Other than that...hm...I think I'd be...well, let's just put this to a test, shall we? http://www.allthetests.com/quiz10/
quizpu.php?testid=1098492300
"You are the mad genius! Your endless army of minions, robot doubles, and cunning ways to worm your way out of trouble makes you a formidable foe. Good for you." Good for me indeed.
So, it's settled. I am a mad genius. The end.
I started trying to think of evil Disney sorcerers and such, but then my mind wandered to the Italian Job. I would definitely be Seth Green's character, Lyle. I just like that he's a villain that you like and root for, even though he's breaking all sorts of laws. And you've got to respect the brilliance of their plans. Those would be my kinds of crimes - well thought-out and methodical. Also, he's just a little quirky and gives everyone the comic relief. And he does all the background work that no one could live without. That's where I'd be.
I have to admit, I no longer can even consider being an evil villain, I think I would have to be a henchman, lackey, what have you. The energy required to be an outstanding villain seems to have escaped me. I would love to be Verbal Kint, but really, I can't even pretend to aspire to his greatness. Sighhh... Maybe someday I will rediscover the inner villain :)
Vicki
Lyle and Verbal Kint (Klint? Can't remember anymore) are awesome, awesome villains. It's true, there's something to be said about sneaky behind-the-scenes baddies who do their devious do's and cackle quietly when they get their prize... usually copious quantities of smelted gold.
Somehow, the only villains that come to mind now are gargamel, skeletor, dr. claw, snake eyes, megatron, I could go on....
Nothing satisfies quite like a villain from an 80s cartoon.
Wait... I'd probably Wile E. Coyote, always trying to get the Road Runner... yes.. that is it.
Firstly, I'll point out the obvious: even if you're LDS, walking around in skanky clothes after you're married, even around the house, isn't always feasible. Well, it IS, but you just look ridiculous, if you catch my drift. I'm sure there would be brief opportunities to get away with it and not look silly, but overall... (By the way, what an odd fantasy, yet all females share it. Girls are weird.)
As far as what villain I would be, all I have to say is... "They call me Mr. Glass." Comic book collector? Check. Ridiculously prone to klutzy behavior? Check. Amazing hair? Check. Platonic fascination with Bruce Willis? Check.
My first thought was Ursula. And then I read these peanut galleries and find that my Evil Villain identity has been discarded. Oh well--good for me. I'll take her.
Not only is she "Devious, evil, with a touch of sexiness," she also doesn't always have to do her own work. The work often comes to her. Hahahah..... Hey, man, contracts are BINDING!
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