Monday, May 15, 2006

Hallway Etiquette

It has come to my attention that a training manual in Proper Hallway Behavior is direly (yes, it's real, I looked it up) needed in today's micromanaged office space society.

I am the first to admit that I am inept at hallway propriety. The building in which I work has several hallways over hundreds of yards long, and social anxiety always hits when I'm walking in one direction and Someone I Know comes walking from the opposite direction towards me. There is a fine balance in timing from the Moment of Recognition to the Moment You Pass Each Other. What do I do?! When does social decorum dictate I acknowledge the other person's presence? If I wave maniacally upon Moment of Recognition (which, in my building, could be anywhere from five feet to five meters away), there is the awkwardness of the fact that I still have fifty feet to cover before I'm even within normal speaking range. Do I then shout "HEY BILL!" and wait for him to shout back? What then? "HOW'S THE WEATHER?!" And so on, and so forth; meanwhile, I'm passing the Director's Office and he comes out to see/hear me screaming at some person off yonder.

Embarassing as it is, the tactic I usually end up employing is, depending on the distance between myself and Person I Know (again, that magical Keng's Constant xi comes into play here...), I usually spot said Person, then immediately deflect my glance to something else in the hallway (which can be slim pickins in the Census Bureau...) and stare studiously until what I consider to be "social decorum" dictates I can look up, smile confidently, and say "Hi Bill!" in a normal tone of voice for two people passing in the hallway. It's weak, I know. It's a comfort zone copout. But what else can I do???

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